drieuxster (drieuxster) wrote,

Got Happy Hollywood Ending? The 'I am Legend' Problem

This is still not a fun filled and exciting review to actually want to write. If anything I must confess that I was pleased that one of my insane friends noticed that there had been "I am Omega", as the zombie fighting movie, which would be the obligatory requirement of Red Hollywood to put up things in competitive form, so that folks could choose.

Unfortunately for most of us, it went from a bad re-UnThink of 'The Omega Man' trying to skate in on the media blitz of "I am Legend" and appears to have streamlined itself into a made for DVD appearance...

That at least gives me the happy thought moment that there is still some sense of comedy that haunts this end of the play ground.

Ok, so I was cranky when I showed up, because there was that made for Music Video Rock Anthem ad for the National Guard that played out where they were cooking the pop corn, and was the obligatory pimping inside the cinema. Which of course is soooo comical, since of course we need studly men to be able to get the what ever done. But of course, gosh, there is this amusing crisis about why are we pimping the National Guard??? Why not pimp the US Armed Forces and their Army of One? and let the National Guard catch what they can as folks look for safe places to hide.....

What if there is no safe place to hide? What if there is no majikal wand that one can wave? What if we can not simply roll back the whole 'saving private jessica' mythos... what if things just get ugly, and it is NOT just going to be a boy's bonding moment????

And so we get to review the new Narnia, and several other happier, kinder, gentler moments... Then the film starts rolling, and what is left of our tattered ability to suspend disbelief gets the first of the book ends.

It is almost like a David Lynch movie, where we start out with our lovely americana moment, as we arrive to get a cup of coffee and a piece of pie in twin peaks, or a whiff of the town parade in blue velvet. But this time it is the happy thought that we are going to find a viral fix for 'cancer' - and the folks who are in the back rooms around the world go -"oh NO!!!! Mr. Bill!!! The Use Of Big Broad Terms to set up a plot device", and we are off to a day at the races, just without the Marx Brothers, and the happy thots, until the next book end arrives, and we can all slip happily into the sort of blissed out "A Boy And His Dog" town, where everyone is above average, and we no longer have to worry about the monsters that the elders keep in the basement.

Yeah, that is the spoiler. You got it. There is suppose to be a happy ending here, of some sorts, and in some ways maybe americans really need it NOW more than ever!!!! In the same way, I must confess, that i really did love the way hollywood ended "do android's dream of electric sheep" and everyone rides off to happy warm fuzzies and the calming influence of being able to get out of the moral collapse of of the urban environment. Ok, back then it was the unpleasant back drop of 'nuclear war winning ways' and a society that was not as sure that they fealt at home with the prospects of a simple, kinder, gentler exchange of 10,000 nuclear tipped, and in some fun filled cases, multiply tipped, nuclear missiles being exchanged.

Which of course was such a great improvement over the darker days when Omega Man came out, and we were all happy with the knowledge that Mr. NRA had bleed for the new kids on the block who were going to get out of town and start all over again, because, well, the urban environment was just too weird...

So what really is the clear and compelling driver for the need for a happy faced, squeaky clean, all american, hallmark card moment ending to this piece of horror?

Is it really that bad and bleak a new day in america as we all learn to embrace that we have always accepted the need for nationally sponsored torturing of the unbelievers? As if we were on the wrong side of the Omega Man??? And we really will all feel more at home with "the family" as the one who will define what is socially acceptable?

The second 'web 2.0' book mark that gets thrust into play, to help folks know that we are about to be more safe comes when the nice young girl points out that she has started to hear from god, because there is now no longer the volume of meaningless noise going on.

This will, as I am sure someone has already blogged, make th correct vector from the evils of science, darwinism, and the inevitable gay homosexuality, that has caused the destruction of Manhatten, and the only true cure, a God Thingie, without which we will all still be living in the dark days of darkeness and dayeNeff...


Yes, these are the book ends, but I do not see this as that simplistic a movie! It is a talking movie! It is the sort of film that you really wanted to have your posse around you!!! You really do want to learn to make compromises, and do some wholesome eating, since Shit In A Sheet Metal Can sucketh bilgeth in ways that only those who have eaten both can ever truly share!!!

You really do want to start talking about what are the meaning of the trends in zombie/vampire films, and where are we really going in the on going flow of our american way of life!!! That things are just not going to be as easy or as simple either way...

That we are going to need to enjoy the time that we have, because we can all think of many myriad of ways in which things can just go that wrong, and we do not need either the evil happy faced happy thought of some marvelous majikal cure, nor do we need to blame a nameless god, who did not actually offer up any excuses for why this plague was brought forth upon us to punish us for the horror of failing to abandon "viesta" for the current version of the One True and ONLY OS, since clearly God can have only one true and only Operating System, and so would clearly not align themselves with the evil one!!!!

I mean, hello!!! can anyone here still say SAR? or maybe refer to a strain of influenza, and the concern that it will also be able to get 'air borne'????

So we could opt for the simple wankage, and hence that we must turn against the evils of stem cell research, or we will....

Oh dear, if we do not get to the horror of Manhatten with the darkwalkers, how ever will we get to the happier and kinder places with the wonderful currier and ives rendition of how Hummers, with the Machine Gun Mounting, would look in a family friendly setting, and not merely as a penis substitute in an advert!!!

So that is clearly not the message of the movie!!!!

What if the message of the movie is that classic love of the Canonical Bob Marley? That this was not just wedged into the film as a pass by event? But, well, is the 'fruit filled life saver' that IS the reason for the film. That we really should not just dream it, but be it!!!

Oh yes, and there are stoopid things that happen through out the film that make many of us wonder. Like why exactly is an african lioness allowing a male to hang out with her and her two juvinile cubs? I mean that is clearly the start of the same old failed urban culture that alientates the children from their traditional savana family values and inevitably leads to the sort of welfare state dogma that is the other possible thing that would be the super secret bad message!!!

That and it is really stoopid to cut in scenes of pumping iron dude who is not smart enought to think through the impact of some dumb moves that should just not be done, and that here were some real reasons to have those six pack abs...

And, to be rude, whining that the protagonist was absent minded enough to both alert on the oddity moment, but then to totally discount the prospect that it is a 'trap' is not something that folks should get to cranked on!!!! I mean it is a central part of the screw up that is at the core of Redacted, with boys who are suppose to be alledgedly trained to be the front line troopers, and not some virologist who has been obliged to take seriously all of that collateral training in weapons handling.

Ultimately I do not like this film because it reminds me of so many of the basic things I do not like to do!!!! I do not like to do sweap and secure's in dark spaces down below. This so does not crank over my engine and make me soooo want to 'thank you sir can I have another one'. In like manner, anything that is 'has it gone airborne' soooo does not crisp my kringle!!!

But ultimately the core horror in it all is being the person alone.

The person who is going to be having meaningful dialogs with the family wolf and the mannaquine....

Those are clearly the ultimate cosmic antithesis to Bob Marley!!!

While cosmically, kharmically, comically the hallmarks of the whole failed cult of the rugged individualism that is behind the very silly american myths of the self made man, with all of that Ayn Randian Drag Queen Contest dress ups!!!

One important piece of advice.

See this movie with enough time to get home before it gets dark.

Just DO IT!!!
Tags: movie_review

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