drieuxster (drieuxster) wrote,

The Doogie Houser Defense

Before we formally kick of the 2007 National Name The National Day Of Torture, I felt it best to start with clarifying what may not be as clear to many. Namely the full extent of the Doogie Houser Defense.

Many were thrilled, back in 2005, when Dick Cheney brought out the TV References for why the President MUST be able to torture anyone, anywhere, and hence why the President Should VETO the Cain Ammendment.

It was almost exciting when many pundits were selling us the Excitement that
You know the average American out there loves the show 24, they love Jack Bauer, they love 24, and to my mind that's as close to a national referendum that it's okay to use 'tough tactics' against high level al qa'ida operatives ... I don't know this stuff, but I trust our military interrogators and CIA more than Ron Suskind or Human Rights Watch...
[ Laura Ingarham cited in MojoWire: Stupidest Thing Ever Said, v2.0 ]
as the excuse for this season's:
Why Jesus Demands That The President Be Allowed To Torture Anyone Anywhere At Any Time
so that he can keep his ratings up, like on TV, you know, like how the Nation Was Tortured by Friends.

Ah yes, Same Kabuki Theatre, Same Kabuki Dance, Same Desperate Appeal to the Vast Cultural Wasteland of TV!!!

Now don't get me wrong, there are some really GOODER EXUSES that could be used to develop a totally specius argument about why Jesus Wants YOU to be a Torturer For The Holy Crusaders!!!

Which inevitably ldea me to what I politely call The Doogie Houser Defense.

The Basic Thesis:
Doogie Has Trapped a Potential Terrorist, Who MIGHT have taken the super secret Majikal Ring, which might be able to rescue the life of the Blonde Blue Eyed White Christian Virgin Teenage Girl he may some day meet.

Can there be any Doubt That JESUS would demand that Doogie Torture the Terrorist NOW!!!

And not wait for the local police to show up, who might turn him over to the National Security Directorate Of The State Security Apparatus, Who would then embark upon a long, governmentally driven bureaucratic jurisdictional debate about whether to Torture the Terrorist themselves, or to out source the torturing to some cheap foreign National!!! Or out source the torturing to a no bid contract, as would support the Glorious Victory of the Free Market System!!!

After which they might actually torture something useful out of the terrorist, but would it be in Time to Make the Final Reel and have the correct Product Placement to enhance the growth of the Market!!!
Or DO You want that Blonde Blue Eyed White Christian Virgin Teenage Girl to potentially DIE!!!


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