But instead, we opted in on a longer walk. Woof has been explaining to me that there are things that are useful. The other weekend we were walking the mountain view art and wine festival on Castro Street after doing brunchies with friends. The generic goal was to get some frozen yogurt. But as we walked, for me, that turned into one of those, "well, maybe I am not going to do that." discourses with myself. Which I deferred off to the last moment. So we were standing there, at the yogurt place, and I opt out. Woof of course has a moment. What I take away from that sharing moment is that I really need to keep Woof in the loop about how priorities are changing. So that we can all adjust our goals accordingly.
The walk is the proof in the pudding. Earlier on, I explain that I am soooo dropping the idea of attending this workshop in the afternoon, because I need the exercise, and the kvetching with Woof. This is a good thing. We can now adjust our goals together.
We opt for the waltz up to Vista Point on the wildcat loop trail from Rogue Valley Trail, yeah, on the map you can download from the openspaces above. Yeah, the twisty bit, that deals with the slope of the hill with some fun well graded switch backs on what is still a goat trail with ambitions. The sort of walk that obliges me to stop and recycle carbon out, water in, and deal with the fact that I NEED to remain focus'd on getting up the hill slowly and carefully.
So the discussion takes a fun turn into one of my 'angry places'. Once upon a time at the start up that was bought by Enron, I got cranky about how the tech folks got squeezed out. There were a whole bunch of strange cases where being able to talk technically correct about things was not a good and useful skill. What i started to look at, on the back side of the hill, was the problem of when and where is it useful to take the 'tech dive' and get all geeky. One of the discussion points Woof and I shared, was the book Database Design for mere mortals - since now we could talk about the differences in terms of:
- Mission Statement: the overarching mission issues
- Mission Objectives: Specific implementables
It was really funny in that it offered this new way of disarming what had otherwise been one of my negativity land moments. Now I can look back on that time with a bit more mellow discussion about it. Since clearly there were 'management level issues' that, uh, were not well worked. So that no amount of really cool geek was gonna fix that root cause problem. Which is to say, dealing with the
Cogito Ergo PallaMeno -Ok, so at times I can just flip into that techDive without noticing the world around me is still thinking in humanSpace.
Or Getting DeCarte Before DeHorse
And there was that human space moment as well. As I looked up the trail, noticed that I was on the edge of having my little Mel Brookes High Anxiety moment. So I asked Woof to recon the trail up and around the corner from where I was. I then opted to 'get small' - not in a Steve Martin way, but in a center of gravity kinda getting in touch with the inner peace of the hill.
Ruth came back, said that there was one scary spot, but otherwise dooable. I then asked if she would be ever so kind and stay a body length ahead of me on the trail. You see, it is the secondary fear that If I slip, I will take someone with me off the side of the hill that still bothers me. So work the real deal, and go from there.
On the happier down side of the hill, I explained to her, that I was so pleased that she was my friend, and was nice. I pointed out that I have encountered americans who are a bit tackless, and who would have gone up and around the corner, and then screamed. Just so that they could 'watch my reaction'. Because, for them, they were lucky enough to live in a world where they never had to deal with what is up and around the corner, or what would happen if things go seriously wrong.
So I probably should try to cut them some slack. They are 'merely playing' from their ignorance. So yeah, it is not my job to smack them all back into the real world. Merely to understand why at times I look at the SatOnTheirFaceCrowd with, well, a bit of a jaundiced look.
Woof was a bit shocked of course, and then sort of agreed that there are some seriously messed up americans.
All in all, it was a fun walk, a piece of personal growth, and one more trail covered. On the ground, and through the back sides of my mind.