They hate YOU!!!

Remember last week, when the stimulus bill was revealed as the culmination of a decades-long Communist plot involving a Kenyan-born sleeper agent and a bio-engineered “doomsday” virus spread by the salt marsh mouse that caused people to vote Democratic, and ultimately to dine, zombie-like, on the tender flesh of derivatives traders? Those were good times, weren’t they? I mean, yes, it meant that as soon as Obama signed the bill, civilization would destroy itself in a single night, like the climax of Azimov’s Nightfall, but at least there’d be no one left behind to envy the dead.

But now I learn a noted theologian has proven that the stimulus bill is actually a blood pact, and with one stroke of the pen, President Obama has legally sold our souls to Satan! Bet you weren’t expecting that, were you? Makes a lifetime spent toiling in a heroic tractor factory for the greater good of the proletariat sound pretty good, doesn’t it?
[ cf Stimulus Bill Possesses Linda Blair; Pea Soup Ensues ]

Satire or Policy paper